Are you ready to forgive someone from your past?
We forgive all the time. It’s easy enough to do when you receive a sincere apology after a genuine mistake, upset or accident. But when you’ve been deeply hurt, sometimes you question whether you’re capable of getting over the pain.
Forgiveness, even after a serious transgression against you is definitely possible, but you may need time to get to that point of grace and mercy. Forgiving a person who hurt you deeply may involve a long, personal process.
Spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson acknowledges that forgiveness is difficult, but also points out that it’s necessary if you want peace in your life.
Meanwhile, John F. Kennedy encouraged us to forgive our enemies, but also reminded us to never forget their names.
Obviously, forgiveness is a cornerstone goal, the generally acknowledged “right thing to do”; nonetheless, you may struggle with the idea.
One of the reasons why forgiving is so hard is the fact that it involves a personal and lonely journey—one wherein only you can know the hardship of finally achieving that end.
The impact of deep hurt is long-lasting
When someone hurts you, you are left with a deep sense of pain. Whether it stems from infidelity, betrayal, abandonment or any other form of mistreatment, the hurt ends up settling heavily in your heart. You tend to wallow in it, asking why, obsessing about the loss, and wondering how the other person could think so little of you to wrong you in such a way.
Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel in her 2015 TED Talk Rethinking Infidelity discussed the pain of infidelity. According to her, cheating today affects people differently than it did 40 years ago. The hurt takes on an existential element when considering that its inflictor is a spouse, partner, family member or friend. The betrayal is mourned deeply on many levels for a long, long time.
Forgiveness is good for your health and wellbeing
Researchers claim, however, that you should forgive for your own good. You don’t want the nastiness that the pain and anger cause festering inside you. The resentment can physically harm you, messing with your health, which consequently shortens your lifespan.
When you forgive sincerely, you will register a lightness of feeling as you gain the benefits that the act of forgiving supposedly elicits, such as less depression, reduced anxiety, and overall improved physical health. In effect, you do yourself a world of favour by forgiving those who deeply hurt you.
If you find yourself seriously struggling to rise above the pain, you can reach out to a professional counsellor or a therapist to help you finally let go of the pain and forgive.
Do you need help getting over a past relationship hurt?
If you’re an individual or couple who is having relationship challenges, contact Clinton Power + Associates for a FREE 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your issue and find out how we can help. Call us now on 0412 241 410 or book your free phone consult online.
Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt therapist with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples move out of relationship pain and create great relationships. Get Clinton’s FREE report: 10 Tips for Moving Out of Relationship Pain, by clicking the button below.