FOR COUPLES WHO KEEP HAVING THE SAME ARGUMENT

Why do we keep having this argument?

Same Fight, Different Ending is a practical workbook that helps you understand your repeating argument, calm it down when it starts, and find your way back to each other.

You know how it starts. You know how it ends.

Most couples have an argument they could almost recite from memory. It might be about family, money, housework, time together or something that seems small to anyone else. Whatever the topic, it keeps coming back. Each time, you both say the same things, and each time it ends the same way: with both of you feeling hurt, misunderstood and a little more tired of the whole thing.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Repeating arguments are one of the most common reasons couples come to see me, and they show up in relationships that are otherwise loving and committed.

A repeating argument is a pattern, not a sign you're failing

One of the most reassuring findings from Drs John and Julie Gottman’s research is that most of the problems couples argue about never fully go away. They come from real differences between 2 people. Couples who do well aren’t the ones without these problems. They’re the ones who’ve learnt to talk about them differently.

So the goal isn’t to make your argument disappear. It’s to change how you have it, so it becomes shorter, less hurtful and easier to recover from, and so you can understand what’s really going on underneath it.

That’s what this workbook is designed to help you do.

What's inside

Start Here: If You Only Do 3 Things
A one-page guide for couples who want something useful tonight.

If Your Partner Isn’t Ready to Do This With You
How to invite your partner without pressure, and what you can work on alone.

Chapter 1: Why You Keep Having the Same Argument
Sort your arguments into solvable, perpetual and stuck, and choose one to focus on.

Chapter 2: Mapping Your Cycle
See the moves you each make, and why one partner’s reaction sets off the other’s.

Chapter 3: When Your Body Takes Over
Why good intentions disappear mid-argument, and how to take a time-out that brings you back together.

Chapter 4: The Art of Repair
The small moves that turn an argument around, and how to make them easier to give and to accept.

Chapter 5: The Dream Inside the Conflict
Uncover what your argument is really about for each of you, and find an arrangement you can both live with.

Chapter 6: Talking About an Argument After It’s Over
A step-by-step way to talk through a painful moment without restarting it.

Chapter 7: Protecting Your Relationship Between Arguments
Bids for connection, daily rituals and shared agreements that help you both feel safe.

Chapter 8: Your Practice Plan, and When to Get More Support
A weekly check-in, a 30-day practice plan and a clear sense of when counselling might help.

Printables Pack
11 worksheets you’ll use again and again, including your Time-Out Agreement, Repair Phrases and Weekly Check-In.

A workbook to do, not just read

There are plenty of good books about relationships. This isn’t another one to read and put down. Every chapter ends with something to do: conversations to have, agreements to make and short trackers to fill in during the week.

More than 40 exercises, some to do together and some to reflect on privately first
Short illustrative stories of different couples, so you can see the ideas in action
Scripts and example phrases for the moments when it is hard to know what to say
2 versions: a fillable PDF you can type into on a computer or tablet, and a print-and-write version
Inclusive throughout, written for all couples, including same-sex and LGBTQIA+ couples

Grounded in research and real-world experience

The workbook draws on the research of Drs John and Julie Gottman, who have studied thousands of couples over several decades, and on the work of Dr Stan Tatkin, who developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). Their ideas are explained in plain language and clearly credited throughout.

It also draws on more than 20 years of my own work with couples, including the time-out approach I teach in my practice.

Is this workbook right for you?

It's likely to help if:

You and your partner keep having the same argument, or a few familiar ones
You both care about the relationship and want to argue less and understand each other more
You'd like a structured way to work on things together, at your own pace
You're thinking about counselling but would like to start on your own first, or you'd like something to use between sessions

It isn't the right fit if:

There is violence, intimidation, threats or coercive control in your relationship. In that situation, please contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 (in Australia) or a local support service.
You're looking for a substitute for counselling. The workbook is educational, and some situations, such as an affair or a deep breach of trust, are best worked through with a counsellor.

About me

I’m Clinton Power, a relationship counsellor and psychotherapist. I’ve been helping individuals and couples since 2003, from my practice in Ballina in the Northern Rivers of NSW and online with clients throughout Australia and internationally.

In my work with couples, I use Gottman Method Couples Therapy and the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), alongside Gestalt therapy. I’m a clinical member of PACFA (Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia).

I wrote this workbook because so many couples I see are stuck in the same argument, and many of them could make real progress with the right tools and a clear structure. This is the workbook I’d want to give them.

What you get

Same Fight, Different Ending: an 80-page workbook in 2 versions, fillable and print-and-write
8 chapters plus a Start Here guide and a section for when your partner isn't ready yet
More than 40 exercises, scripts and trackers
An 11-page printables pack
Instant download straight after purchase

A$37

Frequently asked questions

Do we both need to do the workbook?

It works best when you complete it together, and most exercises are designed for 2. But there’s a whole section for when one partner isn’t ready yet, with exercises you can do on your own. One partner changing their side of the pattern can make a real difference.

How long does it take?

I suggest working through 1 chapter a week, setting aside 45 to 60 minutes each time. Most couples take about 8 weeks. If you’d like a quicker start, the Start Here page takes about an hour.

Is it suitable for same-sex and LGBTQIA+ couples?

Yes. The workbook is written for all couples, using inclusive, gender-neutral language and examples from a range of relationships.

Is this the same as couples counselling?

No. The workbook is educational. It can help many couples make real changes, but it isn’t a substitute for counselling. Chapter 8 explains when it might help to get more support, and you’re welcome to contact me if you’d like to talk about couples counselling.

Is it a physical book?

No. It’s a digital PDF you download straight away. You can type into the fillable version on a computer or tablet, or print the print-and-write version at home.

Which version should I use?

Both are included. The fillable version works best in Adobe Acrobat Reader (free). The print-and-write version is designed for printing and writing by hand.

I've already read "31 Days to Build a Better Relationship". Is this the same content?

No. The ebook covers many areas of a relationship briefly. This workbook goes deep on one thing: the argument you keep having, and how to change it.

Same fight. Different ending.

The argument may come back. How you handle it together can change.

This workbook is educational and is not a substitute for counselling, therapy or other professional advice. It is not suitable for relationships where there is violence, abuse or coercive control.