The Power of Giving and Receiving Love

I recently volunteered for a charity day called Help-Portrait, which I found to be a surprisingly moving experience. This got me thinking about the power of giving and receiving love in our relationships- and the difficulties many people have with this. This post explores the joys and challenges of giving and receiving love in intimate relationships.

Founded in 2009 by Celebrity Photographer Jeremy Cowart, Help-Portrait is a community of photographers worldwide who use their photography skills to give back to their local communities. What started out as a single event in the U.S. has exploded worldwide, with the event now being hosted in 56 countries and 1000 locations.

In essence, photographers, editors, makeup artists, hairstylists, and other volunteers donate their time to create studio-quality portraits for members of the community who would not otherwise have the means to have such photos taken.

The premise is simple but also powerful. My volunteer role on the day was to guide each family through the process of having their hair and makeup done, sitting for their portraits, and then presenting them with their portraits once they were printed.

What I underestimated was the response from my guests on the day. Some of the guests had never worn makeup, never had their hair done, and most had never had a professional photo taken of them. What was so enjoyable was the look of joy on their faces as they received the portraits and the expressions of gratitude to me and my colleagues for helping them throughout the day.

I was filled with a sense of happiness that I was part of a movement contributing to the self-esteem of these individuals. The love was completely contagious, and even the most hard-hearted person would have been challenged not to be touched in some way on that day.

So, let me bring this back to the issue of giving and receiving love in your relationships. When I think about the singles and couples I work with, I notice that many people are not always entirely comfortable with receiving love and/or giving love to another. There are many different blocks that can get in the way of experiencing this powerful and essential emotion to live a full and rewarding life.

What are the common blocks to giving and receiving love in your relationships?

There are many different factors involved in this, but some of the most common include:

• family of origin experiences around the expression of love
• previous relationship experiences of giving and receiving love
• loss of relationships and the consequential loss of love
• cultural influences on the expression of love
• the attachment style of the individual- meaning some people find it hard to reach out to others when they are in distress to receive love
• fear of rejection if you give love to another
• fear of unavoidable loss- all expressions of love involve a loss of some kind and at some point
• fears of feeling obligated- if I receive this love, do I have to return it?

So, giving or receiving love can be a highly complex process. Some individuals negotiate it, while others may find it easy and without a second thought.

Ways to give love in your relationships

There are many ways that you can give love in your relationships. Here’s a short but by no means exhaustive list:

• surprise a friend or partner with an unexpected gift
• inquire after someone who you know is going through a difficult time
• provide emotional support for your friend who is distressed from a life event
• listen carefully to your partner without responding, but make sure you fully understand what they are saying
• extending yourself to your friend or partner without the expectation it will be returned
• making a beautiful meal for your partner to say thanks for being there
• touching, stroking, and hugging your partner
• remembering friends’ birthdays and making an effort to wish them well personally

I’m sure there are many things you could add to this list, as we all express love in different ways. While you may already do some of these things in your relationships, some people find many of these things difficult to do and even feel confronted with the idea.

Common ways people block love in their relationships

There are many different ways that people block love in their relationships- sometimes completely outside of awareness. Here are some of the most common things I see:

• deflecting a compliment by changing the subject
• not listening to positive feedback from a friend or partner by moving on quickly
• using humour to move the focus when they receive affection
• physically pulling away when someone moves towards, hugs or kisses
• stonewalling- cutting off or ignoring a friend or partner
• criticising a friend or partner
• being defensive when a friend or partner is taking a risk and opening-up
• averting your eye gaze when someone is emotionally reaching out to you

Do you recognise any of these aspects within yourself? We all have done some of these things to block love in our relationships. Don’t beat yourself up for them, but start to notice and catch yourself deflecting the love that comes your way.

Ways to receive love in your relationships

So, the next challenge if you are doing well giving love is to check how you are doing with receiving love. It’s much easier for many people to say than do.

Here are some tips for receiving love in your relationships:

1. When you receive a compliment, pause and then literally inhale so that you feel the goodness going inside of you
2. When you hear positive feedback about yourself, sit still and allow yourself to be with it. Then, take a moment to feel what is being said- and say thank you.
3. If you notice you use humour to deflect the attention away, experiment with allowing the focus to be on you and experience whatever is there. If you feel uncomfortable, stay with this and continue to be curious about yourself.
4. When someone physically reaches out to you, allow yourself to surrender to their touch. Lean into the affection and breathe.
5. Practice feeling loving-kindness towards yourself and catch yourself being self-critical. Turn critical thoughts into loving thoughts.
6. Practice loving-kindness towards others- especially those people you don’t like.
7. When someone opens up to you, practice staying still and centered and allow yourself to receive this love like a warm bath of sunshine.
8. Practice maintaining eye contact with people and notice what happens when you cannot avert your gaze.

By becoming aware of your own struggles with giving or receiving love, you can see where your growing edges are. By working on becoming better in this area, you are opening yourself up to feeling this very important emotion, allowing your relationship satisfaction with others to improve.

Click below to watch a video on what Help-Portrait is.

Do you need relationship help?

If you need help with your relationship, contact Clinton Power + Associates at (02) 8968 9323 to discuss your situation and find out how we can help.