Has your sex life dried up since you’ve had children?
You never thought it would never happen to the two of you, but it did. As a new parent, sex has become less and less of a priority and eventually, before you knew it, it’s become a somewhat of a chore for you and possibly your significant other.
The transition into dull domestic partnership might begin due to a continuous lack of romance and time to truly focus on one another. This is a roadblock that almost every long-term couple faces: they experience a radical decline in the frequency and the quality of their sex life after having baby.
First things first: your relationship is a team effort
You and your partner have to talk about this issue honestly. Try your best not to blame one thing or another thing, and remain focused on solving the problem. Half the battle has already been won because you’re acknowledging the problem and starting to address it.
In having your discussion, the two of you should be able to consider what both of you need. For couples who have been together for a long time, it’s important to surprise one another and remain interested and engaged.
Although it’s not always necessary, maybe the two of you could explore some uncharted territory. What this means is different for each couple, and you should get your inspiration from your conversation. Don’t rely too heavily on advice and sex tips from magazines or the internet. Be creative and have some fun!
At the end of the day you’re too exhausted
The two of you should address how to relax and take breaks from parenting. With the constant demands that parenting requires, it’s no surprise you’re too tired for sex. It might be overwhelming to think about creating an environment for being sensual and loving when there are mounting daily responsibilities.
Feeling sexy is the last thing you might feel after spending a day taking care of children. You could try taking time out of your schedules to appreciate one another, through regular date nights. That way, you have something to look forward to and it’s another form of bonding with your partner.
Couples who reported higher satisfaction with their post-baby sex lives were unanimous in their opinion that regular date nights kept them connected in an intimate, adult way more than anything else they did. You should take as many mini-escapes as you can, and even if it might not be easy, it’ll be worth it.
We’re in bed and it’s been a long time since we’ve done this- now what should we do?
Consider taking small steps to gradually rediscover each other in a lovingly connected way.
Contact should be sensual and/or sexual. Enjoy making love and don’t rush into having genital-focused sex. In fact, not having goal-oriented sex, such as trying to orgasm, can be very helpful in your initial attempts to reconnect with each other. Shift the focus away from orgasms to achieving an overall act of intimacy. This will take the pressure off for the both of you and you can really live the moment.
Speaking of living in the moment, who said that acts of intimacy should only happen at night time? Ramp up your low sex drive by taking actions that might or might not lead to sex – make hugging, kissing and cuddling a regular daily occurrence. The reason why it’s become so awkward to act like a couple in love could be because you stopped behaving like a couple in love.
You are not alone
The majority of couples will testify that sex after having a baby declines. New mothers tend to worry that they no longer appear attractive in the eyes of their partners. As difficult as it may be, try to remember that you were once a couple before the baby and don’t lose sight of that. You should also keep in mind that difficulties such as no sex after having a baby are temporary states and can be overcome with you both addressing and working on the issue.
Do you need relationship help?
Since 2003, Clinton Power has helped thousands of couples and individuals as a counsellor and psychotherapist in private practice in Sydney and online in Australia. Clinton regularly comments in the media on issues of relationships and has appeared on Channel 7, The Sydney Morning Herald, and ABC Radio. Clinton’s eBook, 31 Days to Build a Better Relationship is available through his website or Amazon. Click here to take Clinton’s relationship checkup quiz to find out how well you know your partner.