A TED Talk by Sex Therapist Esther Perel
I have been a huge fan of Esther Perel ever since her groundbreaking book published in 2007 called Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.
She wowed audiences with her 2013 TEDSalon talk in New York called The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship, so it’s no surprise she was invited to speak at the much larger and prestigious TEDTalk in Vancouver, March of 2015.
I’ve also participated in online couple therapy training with Esther Perel and Terry Real, which has only reinforced my thoughts that Esther Perel is a world thought-leader in the area of relationships, sexuality and desire.
Esther Perel has the ability to take complex ideas and bring fascinating and novel perspectives to controversial topics like sexual desire and infidelity.
So I was thrilled to be able to watch her latest TEDTalk on the topic of infidelity and was not disappointed by her brilliant, interesting and thought-provoking take on this modern-day phenomenon that affects so many relationships.
These were some of my favourite quotes from her presentation:
- “Monogamy used to be one person for life. Today, monogamy is one person at a time.”
- “Affairs are an act of betrayal, and they are also an expression of longing and loss.”
- “Affairs are way less about sex, and a lot more about desire: desire for attention, desire to feel special, desire to feel important.”
- “Death and mortality often live in the shadow of an affair.”
- “Some affairs are death knells for relationships that were already dying on the vine.”
- “I’ve also told quite a few of my patients that if they could bring into their relationships one-tenth of the boldness, the imagination and the verve that they put into their affairs, they probably would never need to see me.”
- “Every affair will redefine a relationship, and every couple will determine what the legacy of the affair will be.”
- “Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms.”
This video is compelling to watch for anyone who has loved and perhaps needs to heal from an affair.
Click below to watch the whole presentation.
Do you need relationship help?
Since 2003, Clinton Power has helped thousands of couples and individuals as a counsellor and psychotherapist in private practice in Sydney and online in Australia. Clinton regularly comments in the media on issues of relationships and has appeared on Channel 7, The Sydney Morning Herald, and ABC Radio. Clinton’s eBook, 31 Days to Build a Better Relationship is available through his website or Amazon. Click here to take Clinton’s relationship checkup quiz to find out how well you know your partner.