In my work as a relationship counsellor, I see many frustrated and lonely singles who are looking for a way to meet someone they can fall in love with and start a long-term relationship.
Many of these singles have been on their own for quite a while- sometimes many years. And out of this experience of extended singledom can come feelings of depression and hopelessness. Some give up and think that nothing will change and they are doomed to be single until they die.
While this might sound dramatic, it can be a very painful and upsetting experience for some people to not be able to form a relationship after a long period of time.
As we start our work together, we often realise there are a number of factors that are contributing to their ongoing single status.
Sometimes it’s about unfinished business from a past relationship that needs to be cleaned up and let go so the person can move on and create a new space for connections. Other times it’s about the person’s history and beliefs they have formed from those experiences that have become blocks to forming a new intimate connection.
Here are a few practical tips that you can implement right away and give your single life a spring clean. These tips can then help you start to create a space so new and interesting people can start to come into your life.
1. Spring clean your Facebook friends and contacts
I love this tip because it’s a great way to create a psychological space for you to start receiving new and interesting connections.
We all have address books and Facebook friends lists that are overflowing with people we can barely remember meeting.
Take some time and give your contacts a spring clean by removing and deleting anyone you no longer wish to be connected with, or can’t remember who they are or why you’re connected.
I often say if you haven’t had an interaction with the person in the last 6 months, then consider deleting the contact or un-friending them on Facebook.
As you do this, notice what it feels like and enjoy the sense of liberation.
2. Choose one new activity to do or learn
One of the ways you can keep yourself stuck is by doing the same things with the same people over and over again.
I’m always amazed when I work with a single and we talk about what they are doing in their spare time, and many of them spend time with other couples!
What this does is lead you to not expand your network of connections, plus you’re constantly reminded of how you’re single and your friends aren’t.
In the next week, choose one new activity that will teach you a new skill or have you doing something fun and enjoyable with a mix of people that aren’t your regular crowd of friends.
Allow yourself to enjoy the experience of mingling and socialising with new people as you experience fun and pleasure.
3. Revamp your online dating profile
If you do online dating, it may be time to give your dating profile a spring clean.
In my dating consultations with singles, we review their dating profile and it’s no surprise that the person is often not getting much interest or attracting the wrong people.
Online dating is a form of marketing yourself.
I’ve often thought you could employ a copywriter to write your profile and get a professional photographer to capture you at your best, and you would do much better than the majority of people.
Now you don’t need to pay for those services, you can make tweaks yourself that will make a positive difference to how others respond to your profile.
Make sure you look at your profile through the eyes of your ideal date, and then adjust your profile accordingly.
Seeking the help of caring and honest friends can also be very helpful with this project as well.
4. Join a group where other singles will be
As I mentioned previously, many singles sabotage their chances of meeting other singles because they don’t spend time with singles.
One of the easiest and best ways to meet new people is to spend time where other singles congregate.
Many of my single clients have found meetup.com enormously helpful with engaging in fun and enjoyable activities that allow them to meet other interesting single people.
Meetup has literally hundreds of groups across the country and is based in many countries throughout the world.
Make sure you read the description carefully and that it fits with something you would like to do and would find enjoyable.
If you only join a group with the intention of meeting a date, this will become obvious and you could come across and disingenuous and desperate.
5. Focus on your own self-care and wellbeing
One of the best things you can do when you are single is take care of your health and wellbeing.
I’ve noticed that some of the singles I work with start to let their self-care slide when they start to feel depressed and despondent about their single status.
As you start to examine your wellbeing, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I have fitness goals?
- Do I have a regular exercise regime?
- Do I have a plan to de-stress regularly?
- Am I having enough sleep?
- How is my diet?
- Do I drink enough water?
- Am I getting enough sunshine?
These questions can help you begin to consider how you’re doing in terms of your own self-care.
There are quite a few benefits from focussing on your own self-care including:
- you have more energy
- you get sick less often
- you’re more relaxed
- your fitness levels increase
- you feel well-rested and refreshed
- you look and feel fabulous
The logical conclusion to improving your self-care is your confidence increases, you feel more attractive and you attract more people to you.
Do you need relationship help?
Since 2003, Clinton Power has helped thousands of couples and individuals as a counsellor and psychotherapist in private practice in Sydney and online in Australia. Clinton regularly comments in the media on issues of relationships and has appeared on Channel 7, The Sydney Morning Herald, and ABC Radio. Clinton’s eBook, 31 Days to Build a Better Relationship is available through his website or Amazon. Click here to take Clinton’s relationship checkup quiz to find out how well you know your partner.