For those of you that might not know, I was a classical musician for close to 20 years before I became a full-time relationship counsellor. I was a trumpet player and performed opera and symphonic music with Australian and international orchestras and managed to see a lot of the world on musical tours.It was an exciting career, full of great … [Read more...] about What Classical Music and Successful Relationships Have in Common
The title of this post is a little provocative. You may be wondering 'why would I want to know how to ruin a relationship?' While it is helpful to know what does work in a relationship, it is just as helpful to know what does not work. When we know what doesn't work, we can avoid those behaviours and repeat what does work.After many years of … [Read more...] about 10 Surefire Ways to Ruin Your Relationship
As 'spring has sprung', well at least in the Southern Hemisphere, it has got me thinking about spring cleaning. For me, spring cleaning has always been an opportunity to go through all those old cupboards, drawers and wardrobes to clear out the junk, make new space and organise your contents. It's a great feeling when you do this and your life can … [Read more...] about Does Your Relationship Need a Spring Clean?
I am amazed at how many couples I now see that report to me that their relationship commenced online. It seems that what was once an unusual occurrence is now becoming the norm. Many people prefer the convenience of perusing online profiles rather than standing in noisy bars and clubs to meet potential partners.I have seen many couples that … [Read more...] about Online Dating: 5 Tips to Survive and Find the Mate You Want
More and more we are hearing in the media about relationship problems that involve Facebook. In particular, it seems it is the end of a relationship where interactions can deteriorate on Facebook.In my clinical practice I am hearing about behaviours such as jealousy, spying, cyber-stalking, public shaming, open hostility and conflict being … [Read more...] about How to Navigate the End of a Relationship on Facebook
One of the patterns I have noticed in the couples I have been working with lately is that they engage in 'relationship exits'. A relationship exit can be described as when one partner acts out their feelings instead of communicating about what is happening for them in a way that is respectful and promotes connection rather than disconnection. Any … [Read more...] about How to Close the Door on Your Relationship Exits
Time and time again in my clinical practice, I am coming across clients who report relationship breakdown because of problems in communication related to social media and the web 2.0.Web 2.0 refers to the new era of the internet where we have moved from static websites that people visit to an interactive social web where people form online … [Read more...] about 5 Tips to Avoid Relationship Breakdown on Social Media
In my last post I wrote about developing a relationship vision, either with your partner, or if you are single, developing a vision of the type of relationship you would like to create in the future. The benefits of this are that you can become clearer about what your personal goals are, and together you can form relationship goals that you create, … [Read more...] about Are Your Relationship Needs Aligned With Your Relationship Vision?
After a week of incredible dust storms in Sydney and the problems we all had with our vision (and breathing!), it got me thinking about the difficulties we sometimes have with our vision in relationships.In my relationship counselling work with singles and couples, I often hear statements such as, "I just fell into this relationship and found … [Read more...] about Can You See Your Relationship Vision?
I have been reflecting on my counselling work of the last week, when I worked with a number of couples that were in enormous emotional pain. It had me asking myself the question, what is it that happens in relationships that causes pain?One answer I come back to again and again is related to needs. It is normal for all of us to have needs in … [Read more...] about 4 Steps Towards Meeting Your Relationship Needs