If you’ve been doing online dating for a while, you’ve probably experienced dating fatigue. Dating fatigue sets in when you start to feel dread about your next date or you lack excitement and energy about meeting new people. On the more severe end of the spectrum you might be feeling completely hopeless about meeting someone you can build a relationship with.
There’s nothing wrong with being single – a lot of people rock being single – but if you’re feeling quite lonely, it can affect your ability to enjoy the dating process and find a partner whom you want to start a relationship.
You need to put an end to destructive patterns so dating will not only be more fun for you, but also will lead you to a relationship that will bring you joy and fulfilment.
Here are some dating tips that can help you develop a fresh sating mindset:
- Take a break from dating. This tips sounds obvious, but many of the singles I speak to in my practice have been dating non-stop for many months and sometimes years. Like anything in life, there’s always value in taking time out to pause and reflect. Taking a break from dating can also relieve any frustration or hopelessness you may be feeling about the dating scene.
- Be more upfront. State upfront what you want out of the dating. If you’re ready for a serious relationship, don’t be afraid to say it. It’s best to be honest and know who among the people you’re seeing are on the same wavelength and who are just likely to waste your time.
- Avoid comparisons. The quote ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ is very true. Avoid comparing dates to people from your past, especially those that really made you happy. Give your date a chance to prove themself and just enjoy their unique company.
- Date for the right reasons. If the reason you’re dating is upset your ex, or to have someone as your date for important occasions, or because your family has been pressuring you to get married, then you’re likely to get in trouble. You wouldn’t want people dating you for the wrong reasons, so follow the golden rule: don’t do unto others what you don’t want done to you.
- Get over your “list.” If you’ve been dating based on the internal list you have, you’re actually jeopardising your chances for dating success. What you should do instead is really figure out the feelings you want to feel in a partnership and what that looks like in real life. This is the smart and mature way to date.
- Stop dating. Start living. I wrote in another post about the value of meetup groups for people who are single. I love meetup because it’s a great way to get out in life and just enjoying living through friendship, socialising, an activity or a sport. When you focus on enjoying life and not stressing about finding ‘the one’, it’s amazing how many people then find a partner they want to have a relationship with.
Ultimately, if you’re feeling burned out by dating, take stock and develop a fresh mindset using some of the above tips. If you’re still stuck, seek the services of a professional relationship therapist or counsellor who can help you understand your relationship blocks so you can then open yourself to new connections.
Do you need relationship help?
Since 2003, Clinton Power has helped thousands of couples and individuals as a counsellor and psychotherapist in private practice in Sydney and online in Australia. Clinton regularly comments in the media on issues of relationships and has appeared on Channel 7, The Sydney Morning Herald, and ABC Radio. Clinton’s eBook, 31 Days to Build a Better Relationship is available through his website or Amazon. Click here to take Clinton’s relationship checkup quiz to find out how well you know your partner.